Things are looking up! You’ve been born into an era where a trip to Mars might be in your future! Everyday, we get closer and closer as a civilization to someday being able to colonize the red planet. These are truly extraordinary times we’re living in. Here’s how it might go down, and how you can prepare for your trip to Mars.
The Preparations for a Trip to Mars Are Underway
Mars One is a concerted effort to “establish a permanent human settlement on Mars.” Mars One consists of two entities: the Dutch not-for-profit Stichting Mars One (Mars One Foundation) and Swiss publicly trading Mars One Ventures AG. These are professional, global entities that oversee the Mars One Foundation, committed to procuring funding, choosing and training the crews, building the community around the goal, and basically overseeing everything.
What’s the Plan?
The plan is to send unmanned craft with equipment to Mars so that an inhabitable settlement area can be set up. This will be done with the help of global aeronautical experts (Elon Musk, probably), as well as advisors and the most elite, intelligent people from around the world. There are a lot of details to be ironed out as you can imagine, but there is a definite plan, and things are in the works. After they have all the beds made up there, they’ll come back to get y’all.
Who’s Going on This Trip to Mars?
Mars One is currently taking applications for the trip to Mars. Obviously, not everyone will be able to go. There will be a vetting process. But so far, over 78,000 people have submitted their applications for a trip to Mars with Mars One. This is exciting, because the Dutch company that’s been taking applications is also vetting applicants who want to become trained astronauts. So if your astronaut application to NASA went unnoticed, this is your second chance!
How Can You Prepare for the Trip to Mars?
Naturally, the trip to Mars project is in need of very special people with special qualities, features and traits. Couch potatoes need not apply!
Once on Mars, there will also be other criteria that are needed, like skills and education. Let’s go through some ways that you can prepare for the trip to Mars.
1. Be Prepared to Procreate
Look, colonizing an entire planet is no walk in the park. If you’re the type who needs to be wined and dined before you “give whatcha got to give” – well, let’s just say things need to move a bit faster on the red planet. As an official Colonizer, it may be your DUTY to “mate to procreate.” Who knows, they might even come up with some rules about the whole thing. There might be a “handmaiden” situation, or some multiple mates allowance – who knows? What happens on Mars, stays on Mars.
2. Get Fit
When you get to Mars, you’ll be expected to pitch in. That might mean lifting heavy stuff, moving crap around or carrying things for long distances. After all, you won’t have your pickup truck to rely on. So now’s the time to get really fit. Think about doing work on resistance training, endurance and some power lifting to work those large muscle groups. Your life might depend on your strength up there. Don’t take the chance that you’ll come up short in the strength department!
3. Study, Study, Study
Odds are, they won’t have the internet on Mars. At least not for a while. If you’ve been relying on the internet for every move you make – cooking, putting the cap back together on your gasoline can, or fooling around with Photoshop to make you look thin, you’d better get over your reliance on the world wide web. Up there, you’ll have to rely on good old-fashioned know-how and ingenuity. You know. What you used to have before you became a video gamer. It’s okay. Two weeks on Mars will get you back to feeling yourself again. In the meantime, bone up on everything you think might be helpful on Mars. Like growing potatoes, or how to get water out of thin air, or digging up radio isotopes (oh wait, that’s from that movie, The Martian). Anyhoo, all that stuff will definitely come in handy.
4. Lighten Up
If you think airline luggage allowances are stingy, just wait till you ride a rocket to Mars. There won’t be room for most of the comforts of home you’ve come to cherish. You’ll probably have to say goodbye to most of your wardrobe for starters. Goodbye, stilettoes. See ya later, pashminas. Later days, comfy bathrobe. Keep those camisoles, though, ladies (see item 1, above).
Well, your trip to Mars is gonna be one hell of an adventure. If you haven’t signed up yet, be sure you do. We probably won’t see you again, so make sure you leave a forwarding constellation. And don’t forget to write!